The Bad News
Welcome, bad news lover. Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.
I get that some people like to prepare for the worst so they can hope for the best. However, in this case, "the worst" isn't actually so bad.
It's just that I'm updating my website, so it'll continue to be down for a few more days until I figure this out.
If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911. For everything else, email me at email@example.com.